‘This is How We Role’ Part I: The Husband’s Role

Often when I begin counseling sessions with people in my marriage ministry, I begin with the basic roles God lays out for us in the books of Ephesians and 1Peter. I believe wholeheartedly that if you can get these on straight, you have a strong basis from which to work in order to grow your relationship in a God glorifying manner. For today’s post we will begin with some practical teachings for husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. - Ephesians 5: 25-30

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. - 1 Peter 3:7

The bible says that as husbands, we must be considerate of our wives and love them as Christ loved the church. These verses show that married love is not all about attraction, but about deep, heart-felt love, love that is intimate and sacred. It calls us to have a love that is holy and set apart from the world’s definition.
As husbands, we must be willing to die to ourselves for our wives and put their needs above and beyond our own. This is contrary to our sinful nature which is unloving and rooted in selfishness. We have to fight to be righteous and not be more concerned about our time, our projects, our looks, or even our sexual needs.
The loving husband cares in feeling and in deed for his spouse. He can answer the question “How is your wife doing?” with a deeper answer than “Fine.” He knows what she is feeling and he knows where she is emotionally. He cares for his spouse as God does.

The loving husband gives his time, his effort, and his heart to meet his wives’ needs.
Here are seven practical points for husbands to become more loving to their wives:

1. Maintain a close relationship with God. When you are close to God and desire to please Him, you will love your wife deeply.
2. Pray alone and WITH YOUR SPOUSE! – Pouring out your heart to God will allow you to do the same for your wife. When you pray together, you will get insight into her heart.
3. Lay down your life for her. Jesus died for his bride. Will you die to yourself for yours? Sacrifice to meet her needs, put hers above your own. Figure out what you can do to make her life easier and then do it. From doing her chores, to giving her massages; go the extra mile for her.
4. Focus on the good in your wife, take time to admire her. Pursue her. Remember the reasons you fell in love with her in the first place. Part of loving her perfectly, is loving her romantically.
5. Make your wife second only to God. God is first, but then your wife is number two. Put her above football, above the kids, above your projects, and above your job. Give her the priority she deserves.
6. Seek advice and wisdom. There is a wealth of wisdom among other Christians on how to be a better husband. Talk to older married couples. Find out what encourages other married women and try some of them out of your spouse. Make it your goal to find new ways to inspire your spouse spiritually and emotionally.
7. Deal with your emotions. Stuffing them or parading around angry won’t help you love your wife. Deal with them, get in touch, and share them with a close friend who can help you and then share them with your wife. This will bond you as never before.

Try these things and enjoy the role God has called you to and watch your marriage grow!