'This is How We Role' Part II: The Wife's Role

Part II of my posts entitled "This is How We Role" deals with the wife's role in the marriage relationship. Her's is equally challenging, and no less rewarding. Let's go back to our texts in Ephesians and 1 Peter to see what God has to say for the wives...

Ephesians 5:22-24

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

1 Peter 3:1-6 

 ¹Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ²when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Paul's instructions through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit strike right to the heart of women (just like they do to men!). Women, like their mother Eve, have a sinful inclination to usurp man’s authority and to try and take control of things themselves. Women tend to use emotions as a means to an end in an attempt to gain control of situations, knowing that most men are afraid of emotion and don't understand them very well. Men have a sinful inclination to put women under their feet, which plays right into the battle for control. It gets even more destructive when the war is at home. God understands the root of it all and calls wives to submit to husbands. In 1 Peter he calls upon the example of Sarah and calls wives to submit to their husbands as their 'master'. Now, let's make sure we provide this caveat, under no means does this clear the way for husbands to engage in abuse or disrespect. Remember husbands, you are to love as Christ loves, and that standard leaves no room for any kind of boorish behavior. Still, the whole submission 'thing' wrinkles all kinds of noses and has been dismissed as too 'old school' or 'too archaic', but it is no less true today than it was when it was written. When we step outside of the order that God has established, chaos ensues and relationships are frequently damaged. A godly household will contain a husband who loves like Jesus does and a wife who submits to his authority, any other way just doesn't cut it. 


Paul hits the nail on the head as to why this is so hard for many women. At the end of verse 6 of 1 Peter 3 it says,' if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.' At the core of a woman’s lack of submission is fear. Here is a list of fears that some women have and sometimes carry into their marriages (these were confirmed by my wife to be true!):


Fear of losing her identity.
Fear of giving someone else control.
Fear of intimacy.
Fear of being hurt.
Fear of abandonment.
Fear of trust.


These fears grip and grab hold of many women's hearts and make submission nearly impossible. In order to overcome and to engage in submission to your husband, it first takes submission to the Creator. Once you learn to submit to God fully, submitting to your husband will be more attainable. Here are some submission practicals for wives:

1)      Maintain a close relationship with God. When you are close to God and desiring to please Him, you will want to submit to God’s plan and that will help motivate you to please your husband. 

2)      Pray! A submissive spirit comes from the God. We can’t change our hearts but God can and he will if we are willing to let him.

3)      Don’t 'submit' in order to get what you want from your husband, do it out of love and obedience to God. It takes humility (see Phillipians 2). If Jesus could humble himself to be a man, wives, you can humble yourselves to submit to your husbands. 

4)      Focus on the good in your husband. When you "catch our husbands doing good” rather than focusing on their mistakes, it helps motivate him to strive to please God and you more.

5)      Entrust difficult situations to God. In times of disagreement, when it’s difficult to surrender, pray for God’s wisdom for you and your spouse.  Submit to your husband’s decision knowing that it is God’s will for you  to follow his lead. Wives must entrust and surrender to God trusting in His perfect love and His perfect plans.

6)      Seek advice and wisdom. Talk to other Christian wives who are submissive. There may be some situations where it would help to have an outsider’s viewpoint and have someone get together with you and your husband to talk things over.  


Apply these practicals and see how the Lord works! Trusting in God's plans and His order will usher in many blessings! As you and your husband apply these principals to your marriage, you will see your marriage grow and to Him be the glory!